OPEN ON: A grimy hand building a glove of some sort. He slides the glove onto his hand, flexing the fingers....as the shiny blades glimmer in the dark firelight.... THE MAIN TITLE, "NIGHTMARE REDUX" FLASHES ON THE SCREEN WE CUT TO: ADORABLES, wearing a see through nightgown, walking through a dark and wet hallway. She looks around, frightened, and then looks down. ADORABLES I hate it when my dates from hell dress me before bed. Suddenly, a dark FIGURE lunges at ADORABLES and guts her like a fish. With her entrails flopping to the floor, she utters her last words... ADORABLES Dream......from.....fucking....hell CUT TO: Nightmare on Elm Street chatroom. Several members, MECHADRAGON X, JAFFE, FREDDYFAN, MIKE, GLOVEMAN, and DAKAZA are in the room already, talking heatedly. It is the next day. CHAT TRANSCRIPT: >>>K2K has entered the chatroom >>>Server changes mode for K2K >>>You can now MODERATE this room Jaffe: Welcome K2K K2K: hey everyone Jaffe: Hey K K2K: Jaffe why the fuck did you greet me twice? Jaffe: It's my IRC ware. K2K: Your ware sucks asscock. FreddyFan: Hey K2K a member of our board died last night!!! K2K: Who? FreddyFan: adorables. K2K: Like I just said, who? MechadragonX: She was on the old Suddenlaunch board. Mike: Yeah the one you kept telling us to minimize the first popup. lol. K2K: Mike, shut up. Mecha, if she was from suddenlaunch, she doesn't count. Gloveman: That's harsh. K2K: That's mighty big talk coming from a guy who never visits. I can't believe I made you a co-admin. FreddyFan: Me either. K2K: Anyways, a lot of people die every day. Eventually someone from one of my boards is going to die. Deal with it. Okay I'm out. Gonna drink beer and play Madden. K2K: Adios >>>K2K has left the room FreddyFan: I think somethings not right here. MechadragonX: You're just baked again, you troll. FreddyFan: Oh yeah, hehehe. >>>Guest1981 has entered the room Jaffe: Welcome Guest 1981 Guest1981: Hi Jaffe MechadragonX: Who are you Guest? A member of the board? >>>Guest1981 is now known as THEKILLER THEKILLER: I KILD ADORABLES! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MechadragonX: Where the hell is K2K or PhoS when some dumbass needs a good kicking? THEKILLER: YUORE NEX! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Mechadragon X: Fucking simpletons. >>>Mechadragon X has left the room >>>Mike has left the room >>>Jaffe has left the room THEKILLER: WAT DE FUK? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! >>>Gloveman has left the room >>>DAKAZA has left the room >>>FreddyFan has left the room THEKILLER: SOON, BEYOTHCES!!! >>>THEKILLER has left the room END CHAT TRANSCRIPT CUT TO: Mechadragon X's home. He stands up from the computer, having just left the chat. UBERKITTY comes in. UBERKITTY The moronic mindless masses bothering you? MECHADRAGON Just this one guy...says he killed a board member. UBERKITTY Which one? MECHADRAGON adorables. UBERKITTY Who? MECHADRAGON I don't know...fuck it. UBERKITTY Want some butt sex tonight? MECHADRAGON Nah, I'm going to go for a drive. MECHADRAGON leaves. Kitty shakes her head. CUT TO: Porsche racing up a local interstate. MECHADRAGON is behind the wheel, his eyelids heavy. He is muttering something. MECHADRAGON Binary code...Dune...Butt sex...Freddy CUT TO: Mecha still behind the wheel. Suddenly a pair of CLAWS come out and cut off all his fingers. MECHADRAGON screams. Then we hear a voice. THE KILLER You're such a miserable cunt, I decided to let you live. But without the 8 things you love most. Your fingers, bitch! Now you are a cretin, YOU'RE ALL THUMBS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! MECHADRAGON jerks awake just in time to avoid an accident. He pulls into a deserted parking lot, gasping for breath. He then looks down and screams in horror as he puts up his hands. His fingers are indeed cut off, with only the thumbs remaining. CUT TO: Nightmare on Elm Street Chat room. It's a full house tonight. Almost all the messageboard members are there. CHAT TRANSCRIPT: FreddyFan: Where the fuck is Mecha? Jaffe: Who knows? He comes and goes like a rookie porn star LdyVamp: lol K2K: Shut up, cunt. LdyVamp: I don't have to take this. I am as much a member of this community as the next person. K2K: You don't post. Therefore, you are inferior *LdyVamp cries* K2K: I said shut up. >>>K2K has booted LdyVamp from the chatroom K2K: Wanker. FreddyFan: You tell them, Shawn. K2K: Do you agree with everything I say? FreddyFan: Yes. *K2K shakes head* >>>MechadragonX has entered the chatroom Jaffe: Welcome Mechadragon X K2K: Hey Mech FreddyFan: Hey Mecha Jaffe: Hey Mechadragon MechadragonX: hi K2K: What's up? MechadragonX: I lose fingrs lst nite. K2K: Kitty clamp down on her ass muscles? MechadragonX: no...sum1 haked em of K2K: Dude, your typing is even worse than usual. MechadragonX: u tri tping w/ ur tumbs NancyThompson: LOL...tat's funny. TheDreamMaster: What's your excuse Nancy? *NancyThompson cries* MechadragonX: jez, kity will tpe fo mi MechadragonX: Okay this is kitty...Mecha is dictating. Dark Hippie: How DOES his dick taste? lol CK: Dude...laughing at own jokes=LAME! >>>K2K has booted Dark Hippie from the chatroom K2K: I love booting people. Fits in with my tyrant image. >>>Mike has entered the chatroom Mike: Guys, a bunch more of our board members are dead!!!! What the hell is happening? FreddyFan: Who's dead? Mike: Riff, Jester, Bob, and chicagovader. Also, Thor, Necro, and Johnsaintjohner are all in comas for unknown reasons. FreddyFan: Someone is trying to kill all of us. K2K: For once, we disagree on something. You're nuts. Mike: K, I think Mike's right. GryphonKrueger: But, you are Mike! LOL >>>K2K has booted GryphonKrueger from the chatroom CK: Mecha, were you asleep when you lost your fingers? MechadragonX: Duh, of course. Mike: Well all the families of the dead and...uh....comaridden? K2K: That's not a word. Mike: Anyway, they were all asleep. I think someone is trying to be a real life Freddy and kill all of us in our sleep. Jason_Voorhees: Why be Freddy? Jason won FvJ...and I have proof, you flametrollers. MechadragonX: I taught you that word. K.... >>>K2K has booted Jason_Voorhees from the chatroom MechadragonX: Thank you K2K: My pleasure. Fucking delusional fanboys. CK: So what do we do? Mike: We all get off the computer.... FreddyFan: NO!!!! Mike: ...and go to sleep. We meet up in this killer's lair and together we beat him. TheDreamMaster: Yeah...fucking Dream Warriors style. But DM is better K2K: No it's not, and your idea is retarded. CK: Chicken, K? K2K: Of course not. FreddyFan: Yeah, of course he isn't. K2K: Shut up. Fuck it, I'm in. I have a secret weapon anyway. RIP: Your idea is crazy. I won't go. CK: Well your a newbie anyway...you don't count. So who's in? I am. Mike: Me. FreddyFan: Count me in. RolandKincaid: Let's go kick the motherfucker's ass all over dreamland. FreddyFan: Are you really in Roland? RolandKincaid: Hell no, I just wanted to say that. K2K: Shut up. Fuck it, I'm in...and only the four of us are going. If anyone else tries this and we find out...I'm sending Mecha to your house to steal your hotdogs, beer, and to anally ream you. CK: Ok let's go. >>>CK has left the room >>>Mike has left the room >>>K2K has left the room >>>FreddyFan has left the room Jaffe: God speed guys.....okay, now it's time for HORROR MOVIE TRIVIA! END CHAT TRANSCRIPT CUT TO: K2K and Fyre's house. K2K gets up as FYRE comes in FYRE Where you going honey? K2K Gotta go to bed. FYRE It's only 10. Shouldn't you be drinking beer and playing Madden? K2K I have something to do. Be back soon. Love you. FYRE Um..ok. You get odd sometimes CUT TO: K2K and FYRE's bedroom. K2K lays down on the bed and closes his eyes. K2K Fucking board members. CUT TO: A bare room....made of pillows. Similar to the Quiet Room of Dream Warriors. In the middle of it stand K2K, MIKE, FREDDYFAN, and CK. FREDDYFAN Wow, you all made it. I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one serious. CK Hey, it's nice to finally meet all of you for real! MIKE Yeah, likewise. So K, what's your weapon? K2K Jesus you fuckers are pushy. It's a...... At that moment the room begins to be ripped apart with the claws. Everyone is seperated in a shower of feathers, fortune cookies, and pixy stix. CUT TO: K2K and FYRE's house. FREDDYFAN is sitting in K2K's chair, watching football and drinking beer. FYRE comes in wearing a French Maid's outfit. FYRE So FreddyFan, can I rub you down? FREDDYFAN Not yet Fyre. Just bend over to clean something. Okay, baby? FYRE bends over to clean under a cabinet FREDDYFAN If this is this guy's idea of a nightmare, he can take over my dreams anytime. FYRE suddenly whirls up and turns around and morphs into.... FREDDYFAN Oh fuck...it's....it's....it's....YOU! CUT TO: CK hears FREDDYFAN scream. He doesn't care though. He's sitting down, interviewing BRUCE CAMPBELL, Ash from the Evil Dead movies. CK So what was it like to cut off your hand? BRUCE CAMPBELL Um buddy, it was an effect. Don't you want to talk about Bubba Ho-Tep at all? CK Absolutely not. BRUCE CAMPBELL Too bad....because Chins Do Kill, bitch! BRUCE CAMPBELL's chin suddenly comes alive. Ripping off of BRUCE's face, it goes down CK's throat, choking him to death. As CK's lights dim, he can see BRUCE morph into.... CK *gagging* Oh dude, fucking weak. CUT TO: MIKE hears odd gagging sounds. MIKE Heh, someone in here loves the cock. MIKE jerks his head at a loud noise. Suddenly he's in the goofy game from Harry Potter, whizzing around on a broomstick. He scores the game winning goal and is raising his hands in the air when he spots a broomstick coming at him. He then recognizes the killer just as the KILLER's glove gores him deeply. MIKE Dammit, I am not Harry Potter! KILLER Griffendorf this, bitch. CUT TO: K2K is walking into a sports bar. He looks at the TV. On the TV is the Super Bowl. And the 49ers are winning the game 70-0. K2K Yeah right. Like that'll happen. K2K looks at the bar. Only one guy is sitting there. K2K So killer, who are you exactly? KILLER Very witty play on words. THE KILLER spins around. It's LASTPICKED. K2K Eh, should have known.... but why? LASTPICKED I want to use your board to spread my message of hate and intolerance of course. You also ruined my Thanksgiving when you banned me. I couldn't enjoy my frozen dinner and my Nazi-propaganda pamphlets!!!! K2K Good fucking riddance. Should have stayed on your Aryan boards or whatever it is you do.... LASTPICKED But this is my world...so what can you do to stop me, bitch? K2K pats his leather jacket. K2K My secret weapon, of course. LASTPICKED And that is? K2K The sacred ban-saber, bitch! LASTPICKED's eyes widen as K2K ignites the ban-saber. LASTPICKED Oh shit....back to the KKK meetings. K2K jumps in the air, Yoda-style and comes down with a vicious slash that splits LASTPICKED in half. K2K That was fucking weak. You even died like a bitch. CUT TO: K2K and FYRE's house. K2K wakes up. FYRE is there. FYRE What happened, honey? K2K Uh...I won, at least I think I did. FYRE Yay! No more dead members. Hey is that a lightsaber in your pants or are you happy to see me? K2K pulls out the ban-saber. K2K It is a saber, but a ban-saber FYRE Shit!!! K2K Going into chat. CUT TO: The Nightmare on Elm Street Chatroom. JAFFE is playing horror trivia with himself while everyone watches. CHAT TRANSCRIPT: Jaffe: Okay so which Leprechaun movie made the most money? >>>K2K has entered the chatroom >>>Server changes modes for K2K >>>You can now MODERATE this room. Jaffe: Welcome K2K Jaffe: So what happened? K2K: The dream killer was lastpicked. TomK: Fucking figures. Where's my Busch Light? K2K: But he's gone, I got him with my weapon. Jaffe: What weapon? K2K: I cannot tell you right now...but when the time is right, you will all hear about it. Jaffe: Uh...okay. TomK: So, what about CK, Mike and FreddyFan? K2K: I think they didn't make it. TomK: =( Jaffe: That sucks. Hey K, want to play Horror Movie Trivia? K2K: Jesus.... FADE TO BLACK THE END