WE OPEN ON: A Mustang Convertible racing down the highway. We see that it is K2K and FYRE. Then the title flashes up: "NIGHTMARE REDUX 2: LASTPICKED'S REVENGE" K2K and FYRE are talking. FYRE Why are you pissed now? K2K This fucking convention. Its too soon after Lastpricked's attempts to kill all of us... FYRE But you killed him with the ban-saber. He's in banned land. K2K I think his spirit has manifested itself on the board in a place that is never read... FYRE Like the "Need Fan Fiction" thread? K2K Yeah, and I am afraid he's harnessing the powers of the unread and lonely threads to make himself strong again. FYRE You think way too fucking much. K2K Tell me about it. So where is Tom's place? K2K and FYRE pull up to a house. Out walks TOM K, obviously drunk. K2K Hey Tom, nice to meet you. TOM K Unnnnuhhhhunnnnhhhhhhh K2K Where's your gear, dude? TOM K points to a case of Busch Light TOM K Unnnnnuhhhhhunnnnnhhhh FYRE Honey, I think he's a 'tard. K2K No, he's just drunk. Normal Tom. CUT TO: HORROREMOTICON CONVENTION Everyone is meeting and greeting, checking into the hotel, etc....lots of chatter abound. K2K, FYRE, and TOM K are checking in when a hand pats K2K on the back. He turns to see FIRSTDEATHKNIGHT. FDK Hey guys...good to see you. K2K Who are you? FDK FirstDeathKnight K2K Oh, okay. Hold my bag. FDK Is there porn and vibrators in here? K2K No just clothes and toiletries. FDK You mean the hotel doesn't provide that shit? I just brought porn, dildoes, and my jar of man juice to make pearl necklaces. FYRE Ewwww FDK wiggles his tongue at FYRE FYRE Double ewwww....honey do something. K2K Okay. *To FDK* give me my bag back. We all know where your hands have been. THORACIC DISRUPTOR AND NECRO approach the group. K2K and FYRE hug them. K2K Good to see you, Thor. You too, Necro FDK moves in for a hug. K2K I wouldn't hug him. He thinks he's Larry Flint NECRO Ewwww....beaver shots. THOR So looks like we have rooms next to each other. K2K Yeah so don't keep me up all night with your orgasmic moans about getting a rare bootleg of The Frighteners THOR Party pooper. Hey where's Tom sleeping? THOR motions at TOM K K2K In the bar, I guess. TOM K Uhhhhnnnuuuuhhhnnhhhhhhh CUT TO: Dinner in the bar. K2K, FYRE, NECRO, THOR, TOM K, FDK, MECHADRAGON X, and UBERKITTY are all eating. K2K So how are the prothestic fingers, Mecha? MECHADRAGON X They suck...except for one thing. I got my index finger a bit larger so I can really fingerbang Kitty. K2K What about typing? MECHADRAGON X You know I won't visit the board after that night. UBERKITTY Me either. Your board has a death curse. K2K Wrong series. Besides, Thor and Necro came out of their comas. No blood, no foul, in my opinion. MECHADRAGON X Yeah, but where are CK, Mike, and FreddyFan? K2K Eh, who knows? FYRE Do any of you ever dream about those three? K2K glowers at FYRE FYRE Not in that way, dear. K2K Oh. MECHADRAGON X I do. EVERYONE stares at MECHADRAGON X TOM K Uhhhhnuhhhhhnnnnuhhhhhh MECHADRAGON X I dreamt of FreddyFan last night. He came to me, surrounded by Heather Langenkamp and Lisa Wilcox, who were both naked, and said Lastpicked isn't done. THOR Let me get this straight? They were both naked? Sweet. K2K Watch Nickel Mountain Thor. Anything else, Mecha? MECHADRAGON X Yeah. He said Lastpicked is now the worst nightmare of any board administrator. K2K A non-active member? MECHADRAGON X No that's Tom and his whiskey dick. TOM K Uhhhhnnnnuuuuhhhhnnnuuhhhhhh MECHADRAGON X He's a virus. CUT TO: NANCY THOMPSON is sitting at her computer, bummed that she can't go to the convention. She gets online. NANCY THOMPSON What the fuck? Before her, the board is now littered with swastikas and hate propaganda. It's listing LASTPICKED as administrator. NANCY THOMPSON Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! Suddenly her screen is flooded with Private Messages asking if she wants to fuck and join the Neo-Nazis. NANCY cries for her mother. CUT TO: The convention. K2K is buying a Versus all region DVD when his cell phone rings. He answers. K2K Hello? Oh hi Nancy....what....that's fucking bullshit....he is, huh? Well thanks. K2K hangs up his cell phone and waves everyone over. K2K Well, looks like Lastpicked took over the board. MECHADRAGON X As a virus. I told you. K2K Shut up. So what do we do? UBERKITTY I have an idea. CUT TO: K2K and FYRE's hotel room. K2K is sitting on the bed, wired to UBERKITTY's laptop. K2K This is fucking stupid. UBERKITTY Shut up and go to sleep. You should be able to patch into the mainframe of the board and battle Lastpicked. K2K If you are so smart, then why don't you do it? UBERKITTY Because you beat him before. He fears you. K2K He fears anything that isn't white, male, and Christian. UBERKITTY Shut up and go to sleep already. K2K Hold on. Fyre, bring me my weapon. FYRE goes to K2K's bag and brings over the ban-saber. FDK Dude that looks like a cock! EVERYONE Shut the fuck up, already!!!! K2K This is my secret weapon. Every good administrator has one of these. It's a ban-saber. Don't ask how it works, it's complicated. FDK How does it work? K2K ignites the ban saber and slickes FDK in half. K2K Like that. Okay, I'm out. Adios EVERYONE Good luck. K2K drifts off to sleep. CUT TO: A dream version of the Nightmare on Elm Street Messageboard. K2K is wandering around. He looks at the mainframe, just observing. He notices something. K2K Oh. So that's why the top posting members modification doesn't work for shit....... Suddenly, LASTPICKED jumps in front of K2K LASTPICKED HEIL LASTPICKED, FOOLISH MORTAL! K2K Stop fucking yelling, bitch. I am right in front of you. LASTPICKED This is now my board, bitch! K2K Not as long as I have this.... K2K ignites the ban-saber LASTPICKED *laughs* That won't work now... K2K Oh yeah? Try this on for size K2K flies into the air with the ban-saber, doing a beautiful flurry of slashes and cuts. But they have no effect. LASTPICKED laughs again. LASTPICKED Told you. Suddenly, THOR and NECRO show up. LASTPICKED What the fuck is this? THOR Strength in numbers, you hateful fuck. THOR and NECRO attack LASTPICKED, using Kung-Fu (with David Carradine) and Matrix style moves. While they look good, they don't do a fucking thing against LASTPICKED, who obviously has the power of phpBB in his corner. He fights them off, eventually decapitating NECRO and slicing THOR in half from groin to skull. LASTPICKED HERE...I....AM....ETERNAL....HEIL! Suddenly, K2K's voice materializes behind him. K2K No, your ass is banned. LASTPICKED turns to see K2K shove the ban wires in the database into this chest. LASTPICKED begins to convulse as the power of the full ban, obviously the father of the ban-saber, enter his body. K2K hangs on, his body hair standing on end....jittering, he says.... K2K Where's that delete function when you need it? Fucking phpBB...... Then he spots it. Ripping it out of the wall, K2K shoves it into LASTPICKED. The combined force of the ban and delete is way too much for LASTPICKED.... LASTPICKED I'll be back and you will all heil to me! K2K Neo-nazi racist assclown. With that, LASTPICKED's cyber body blows up. In an instant the board is back to normal, with all the Nazi hatred gone. But the normal hazing of newbies continues. CUT TO: NANCY THOMPSON's bedroom. She smiles. NANCY THOMPSON YAY....The board is back!!!!! NANCY types away merrily. CUT TO: BOARD DREAM STATE. K2K is thrown from the force of the explosion into the main power grid. His body convulses and he drops the ban-saber. It falls onto the floor and falls into a crack. K2K Guess phpBB doesn't suck that much.... CUT TO: HOTEL ROOM K2K's body begins to convulse and then goes still. EVERYONE freaks.... FYRE Call an ambulance!!!! MECHADRAGON X Why? CUT TO: DREAM STATE K2K awakens on a cloud. Surrounding him are MIKE, CK, and FREDDYFAN. K2K Uh, you guys are dead. CK No, we are just caught here MIKE We are thinking about forming the "Dream Police." Wanna join? K2K The "Dream Police" suck. FREDDYFAN So K, what color are your wife's nipples? K2K OH MY GOD, I AM IN HELL!!!!! CUT TO: HOSPITAL ROOM K2K is in a bed with several machines attached to him. EVERYONE stands there, along with JAWS. It's obvious that JAWS is a doctor. JAWS He's in a deep coma, Fyre. FYRE Oh my God no......*Fyre cries* TOM K Uhhhhnuhhhhhnuhhhhhh FADE TO BLACK THE END