WE OPEN ON: K2K and FYRE's house. FYRE is seen crying herself to sleep. FYRE Oh...I am so so so horny. THEN THE TITLE COMES UP...."NIGHTMARE REDUX 3: ASS WARRIORS" CUT TO: THE DREAM WORLD. CK, MIKE, FREDDYFAN, and K2K are walking around. They are bullshitting and looking into people's dreams. K2K Hey look, it's Riff's dream. They look in a door and see inside RIFF's dream. He's butt-pirating MIKE. RIFF Oh yeah baby, take that cock MIKE looks aghast. MIKE DUDE!!! Ewwww....man love. All four keep walking on. K2K What the fuck is wrong with Canadians? FREDDYFAN So K, back to your wife's nipples K2K Motherfucker, stop talking about nipples FREDDYFAN Ok....so does she shave her pubes? K2K *mumbling* Where's my ban-saber when I need it? CUT TO: Nightmare on Elm Street Chatroom. MECHADRAGON X, JAFFE, THOR, NECRO, NANCY THOMPSON, and JASON_VOORHEES are in there. BEGIN CHAT TRANSCRIPT: Jason_Voorhees: So, that's why Jason really won. I figured I would repeat it for the 10th time. Mechadragon X: zzzzzzzz Jaffe: Anyone want to play movie trivia? Or we can talk about my dog. Mechadragon X: I don't really miss K2K, but his chat-boot came in handy. Thor: agreed. >>>PhoS has entered the chatroom >>>Server changes modes for K2K >>>PhoS can now MODERATE this room PhoS: Oh jesus. Bye Jason >>>Jason_Voorhees was booted from the room by PhoS Thor: It's not the same as when K2K does it. NancyThompson: anyone wanna here bout me any my boyfirends problems? Mechadragon X: AHHHHHHHH PhoS: Um, guys, I think we have a problem. I was looking around for more info on the TCM remake and I found this site. www.k2kmustdie.com Mechadragon X: That's a funny site. PhoS: I think it's ran by a bunch of old members of the suddenlaunch board that never registered at the new Nightmare board. Jaffe: What makes you say that? PhoS: Well when you click one of the dildoes on the right, it says that this site is run by old Y2Krueger suddenlaunch board members that never registered at the new board. Jaffe: Oh. Well why do they want to kill K2K? PhoS: The other dildo link says they are pissed that K2K didn't tell them about the new board. Mechadragon X: Um, K2K technically spammed the internet to let EVERYONE know. Weak excuse. PhoS: I just hope they don't find out K2K is in a coma and Fyre is hornier than a tin peckered owl or we are all fucked. Jaffe: Any other information? PhoS: Only that they call themselves "The Cult of the Forgotten." Ok, I'm gonna go get high now. END CHAT TRANSCRIPT CUT TO: DREAM WORLD. Still walking around, bored, and talking are K2K, FREDDYFAN, MIKE, and CK. MIKE So K, what about the Dream Police? K2K That name sucks. Why not call ourselves something cool, like...uh...Ass Warriors CK That name entails ass-play K2K Hehehehehe, ass-play. MIKE I don't like that name at all. K2K Well I'm the admin, so my name it is. CK Uh dude, you're in a coma. K2K Shut up. FREDDYFAN So K, can you see any dimples on Fyre's ass? CUT TO: The Cult of Forgotten Chatroom. In it are several old members that are highly disgruntled. In this group are DEADITE82, PDB, ZIGGY, BARAK BALUYGEN, JOSHXLEE, and LOSTMIND. BEGIN CHAT TRANSCRIPT: Deadite82: So all we need are more donkey balls and we will be all powerful? Ziggy: So...so...so stoned. Barak: I am lost. You see I am from Turkey. JoshxLee: Shut up foreign boy. Barak: You see, to me, you are foreign. I am polite and meek. I mean no harm. JoshXLee: you homo. Lostmind: But we also need the ultimate lost member, to be our leader. PDB: No, I am the leader. Deadite82: I was a mod before you, I should be the leader. Lostmind: No. We need The_Tall_Man. Deadite82: But he registered at the new board. Lostmind: But does he post at all? PDB: Good point. Lostmind: I shall disappear into the dream world and find an incantation to resurrect Tallee. I heard he was killed by a pack of roving kittens. Ziggy: So...so...so stoned. PDB: Kittens? Lostmind: Well they seperated him from his computer for 45 minutes and he died of shock and seperation anxiety. PDB: Oh. Lostmind: Anyone wish to join me in the dream world? PDB: Me. Deadite82: I'm in. Ziggy: Yeah. Lostmind: Really Ziggy? Ziggy: Sure. Lostmind: Okay you three, get off the computer and go to sleep. >>>Lostmind has left the chatroom >>>PDB has left the chatroom >>>Ziggy has left the chatroom >>>Deadite82 has left the chatroom END CHAT TRANSCRIPT CUT TO: THE DREAM WORLD. The ASS WARRIORS are walking around. Suddenly they notice a door. K2K Look. The incantation room. CK I'm Canadian. I don't believe in rebirth. I believe in Bruce Campbell and strong beer. MIKE That's reincarnation. CK Get off my back, I'm only 15. Suddenly, forming on the other end of the hallway are DEADITE82, PDB, LOSTMIND, AND ZIGGY. They have crossed over to the DREAM WORLD. PDB This place is cool. ZIGGY Huh, where are we? LOSTMIND The dream world. ZIGGY I thought you asked if anyone wanted to go get high. DEADITE82 Moron. Hey look over there! THE CULT OF THE FORGOTTEN spot the ASS WARRIORS. PDB That's K2K...kill him! CK Smoke that motherfucker like he ain't no thang!!! K2K That was fucking stupid. BOTH SIDES charge at each other. There is a huge throw-down. CK finds a chainsaw and decapitates LOSTMIND. DEADITE82 throws a set of donkey balls that hit CK square in the chest, killing him instantly. MIKE charges at DEADITE82, who ducks into the Incantation Room and locks the door. MIKE is then tackled by PDB. ZIGGY sits by, casually smoking a joint. CUT TO: THE INCANTATION ROOM. DEADITE82 finds the book he needs. It's called "The Complete Dummies Guide to Resurrecting HTML." He begins to read from the "Bringing Horror Webmasters Back to Life" chapter. CUT BACK TO: THE DREAM WORLD FIGHT The ASS WARRIORS are getting a major beatdown. MIKE is being ripped apart by PDB and LOSTMIND. FREDDYFAN is looking at a Hustler magazine that has a "Girls of the Internet" pictoral, hoping to spot FYRE. K2K is being forced to smoke dope by ZIGGY. ZIGGY Safer than beer, bitch. K2K I like my beer, motherfucker. Suddenly K2K looks over. Under a blowup doll, resting next to a tube of KY Jelly, is his ban-saber. He then extends with his thoughts and uses something akin to the Schwartz to bring his ban-saber to him. He then ignites it and splits ZIGGY in half. Running over to PDB, LOSTMIND, and MIKE, he jumps in the air, saber extended. PDB throws donkey balls at him, but K2K deflects them easily and comes down. With a slice and parry, he kills both PDB and LOSTMIND. He also accidently decapitates MIKE. K2K Oops. Suddenly, DEADITE82 re-emerges from the room with the book. K2K and FREDDYFAN look at him. DEADITE82 I have found it. *begins to read* Plurus, Cunninlingus, Gamerstec, Taint Strip, Moderation Extreme! K2K's eyes widen. K2K You tard! It's Gamersetc, not Tec! DEADITE82 looks down. His eyes widen. DEADITE82 Oh no...that means I have brought back.... K2K You idiot. You just SUMMONED THE GRIMNIR!!! We're all fucked. K2K charges with the ban-saber at DEADITE82, but he disappears before K2K can hit him and kill him. FREDDYFAN comes over. K2K He summoned the Grimnir. We have to warn everyone. We have to harness the powers of Infinitechat.com...now!!! K2K and FREDDYFAN run away, leaving the dead bodies of MIKE, CK, PDB, LOSTMIND, and ZIGGY behind. FREDDYFAN So K, does your wife do kegels? CUT TO: K2K and FYRE's backyard. The ground begins to sink and crumble. Out of the hole that is formed climbs the decaying body of GRIMNIR. He then moves to a nearby window and looks inside. He sees FYRE writhing on the bed, all sweaty and half naked. (Okay, all of you can wait a minute before you go jerk off, it's almost over.) FYRE Oh...so...so...so horny. FADE TO BLACK THE END OKAY, NOW YOU CAN GO JERK OFF.