WE OPEN ON: A SEEDY MOTEL. UBERKITTY and MECHADRAGON X are making love as the main title flashes on the screen: "NIGHTMARE REDUX 7: THE CURSE OF LYSIANASSA" The two lovers finish their rendevous and lay in bed, talking. (No, you don't see any tits you perverts.) MECHADRAGON X Ahhh, that was great. Thanks baby. UBERKITTY Hand me my dildo. It's over there. MECHADRAGON X Jesus....aren't you satisfied? UBERKITTY Not if all you do is put it in my ass. MECHADRAGON X hands her the dildo. We see that it is the dildo that belonged to THE GRIMNIR. MECHADRAGON X Why did you keep that dildo anyway? UBERKITTY As a reminder that K2K is dead. MECHADRAGON X Oh yeah. Hehehehe, the board is a lot less strict nowadays, isn't it? UBERKITTY You bet. Fyre hasn't been around much. MECHADRAGON X Can you blame her? The only reason she even posted is because K2K was the boss. UBERKITTY Speaking of which, who is the boss now? MECHADRAGON X No one. UBERKITTY Oh jesus..... WE CUT TO: THE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET CHATROOM It is a loaded chat tonight....everyone is flaming the hell out of each other. START CHAT TRANSCRIPT JAFFE: Fuck you Onion, you are a total waste of good database space. ONION_KRUEGER: Your mother is a stupid whore. And your dog's ugly too. JAFFE: Those are fighting words, asshole. No one talks about my Buffy like that. NANCY THOMPSON: I had a bad dream last night. KRUEGER_LOVER: Who gives a flying fuck, bitch? NANCY THOMPSON: Shut up. ZEEBOE: I miss K2K, at least things were civil. TOM K: Shit, I am out of beer. NANCY THOMPSON: I dreamt that a fat ugly crack whore invaded my body.... TOM K: I'll be back. >>>TOM K has left the chatroom. NANCY THOMPSON: And she....FUCK MY PUSSY ROB, YOU SEXY BEAST! JAFFE: What the fuck was that Nancy? ONION_KRUEGER: Hey my names Rob...wanna cyber? NANCY THOMPSON: Hell no....YES LICK MY PUSSY AND TELL ME RUMORS! JAFFE: Nancy...what the hell? >>>NANCY THOMPSON has left the chatroom. JAFFE: I knew she was a bad speller but damn, I think she has Tourette's... ONION_KRUEGER: Cocksucker. END CHAT TRANSCRIPT CUT TO: NANCY THOMPSON's house. She gets up from the computer, stretching.... NANCY What the fuck just happened? Suddenly, her face contorts horribly. NANCY NEED COCK AND RUMORS!!! She begins to finger herself. Still with a finger in her, she gets in her car. CUT TO: DEATHBED's house. He's masterbating on a soiled mattress. In front of him is a laptop, with his too-large laughing clown. DEATHBED It's not too big....It's not too big. Suddenly, NANCY THOMPSON bursts in his room. NANCY Hi Deathbed...why am I at your house naked and masterbating? How odd.... Suddenly her face contorts again. NANCY GIVE ME COCK...AND TALK RUMOR-Y DEATHBED Hehehehe....okay....can I call you Clownie? They have sex. When DEATHBED gets off....NANCY makes funny faces and appears to contort her face yet again. NANCY TELL ME RUMORS, BITCH!!!! DEATHBED I can't stop coming...but I hear that there is going to be an FvJ2 with Ash in it.... NANCY ROB AND KEN AND BRUCE! OH YEAH GIVE ME MORE!!! DEATHBED I already got my nut off. Leave me alone so I can suck my thumb.... With that there is a horrible sucking sound and DEATHBED loses several lbs. To be more precise, his insides enter Nancy as she makes sucking sounds. NANCY FUCK YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I WANT NANCY THOMPSON looks around. NANCY Oh my God, what have I done? Suddenly her face contorts again. NANCY NEED MORE COCK AND RUMORS! CUT TO: UNDERTAKER's house. He's playing with a paddle. NANCY bursts in, face contorted. NANCY FUCK ME AND GIVE ME RUMORS! UNDERTAKER Can I spank you too? The same thing happens to UNDERTAKER that happened to DEATHBED, only he gives her rumors of a prequel with Robert Englund without makeup. CUT TO: KEENER's house. He's watching a bootleg of Kill Bill, Volume 1. NANCY bursts in. NANCY FUCK ME NOW, BITCHFIST! KEENER Can I call you Mia Wallace? They start fucking, and NANCY's face contorts. NANCY GIVE ME RUMORS...NOW!!! KEENER Well Kill Bill Volume 2 will have... NANCY NIGHTMARE RUMORS, BITCH! KEENER I don't know any...God you are one freaky bitch. KEENER's insides are sucked out of him like DEATHBED and UNDERTAKER. CUT TO: NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET CHATROOM. ONION_KRUEGER, KRUEGER_LOVER, and JAFFE are in there. START CHAT TRANSCRIPT JAFFE: You both need to get out more. ONION_KRUEGER: Fuck you. KRUEGER_LOVER: Yeah, fuck you. >>>MECHADRAGON X has entered the chatroom JAFFE: Welcome MECHADRAGON X >>>UBERKITTY has entered the chatroom JAFFE: Welcome UBERKITTY JAFFE: Hey guys. UBERKITTY: Your IRC stuff really does suck. JAFFE: I have some bad news for you two. MECHADRAGON X: Who died now? =/ JAFFE: Undertaker, Keener and Deathbed. MECHADRAGON X: Who? JAFFE: Some of the Shivers members. Kat's pretty pissed. MECHADRAGON X: So? UBERKITTY: Do they know who did it? MECHADRAGON X: Can't be Grimnir or Lastpicked...K2K killed them. JAFFE: Um, eyewitnesses said it looked like Nancy. MECHADRAGON X: I knew there wasn't something right about that girl. UBERKITTY: I can't believe it. JAFFE: I think it wasn't Nancy...I think she was possessed. MECHADRAGON X: Huh? JAFFE: By the Curse of Lysianassa. UBERKITTY: The what? JAFFE: The Curse of Lysianassa. She was a former banned member who was banned for spreading rumors and basically acting like a crack whore. Rumor has it that she wanders around the dream world, possessing young women and turning them into monsters who crave cock and demand rumors on upcoming films. They take said rumors and try to get people to believe them. Also, if a woman affected by the curse has sex with you, your insides get sucked out of your penis and they make her stronger. UBERKITTY: Ewwww MECHADRAGON X: That's a weak story JAFFE: What do you expect by the 7th installment? MECHADRAGON X: True. UBERKITTY: I have an idea. Mecha, come over tonight. MECHADRAGON X: For butt sex? UBERKITTY: Uh...yeah sure. Whatever. MECHADRAGON X: WHOO HOO. ON MY WAY NOW! >>>MECHADRAGON X has left the chatroom. >>>UBERKITTY has left the chatroom. JAFFE: ? ONION_KRUEGER: That story was cool. JAFFE: *rolls eyes* END CHAT TRANSCRIPT CUT TO: UBERKITTY's house. She is wiring to headsets to her laptop when MECHADRAGON X bursts in. MECHADRAGON X Ok baby...gimme some butt-lovin'! UBERKITTY I lied. MECHADRAGON X Fuck. UBERKITTY Sit down and put on this headset. MECHADRAGON X Why? UBERKITTY We are going to do what K2K did against Lastpicked. We are going in and finding Lysianassa and we are going to stop her. MECHADRAGON X If we win, can I get some butt-sex? UBERKITTY *rolling eyes* Sure.... MECHADRAGON X YAY...I'm so in...in more ways than one. They both put on the headsets and pop a valium. CUT TO: THE DREAM WORLD UBERKITTY and MECHADRAGON X are walking around, looking. They spot a blow-up doll with blonde hair and a bottle of KY Jelly. UBERKITTY picks it up, and see that there is a name on the forehead: FYRE MECHADRAGON X Hey, it's FreddyFan's blow up doll! UBERKITTY Why is there KY Jelly on the boobs? MECHADRAGON X That's not KY Jelly, dear. UBERKITTY *drops doll* Ewwwww...... Suddenly they hear whipping and screaming. They follow it to a large room with cathedral ceilings, skeletons on the wall, and a large pool made of a multi- colored hues. It's the Rumor Pool. On the side of it, we see LYSIANASSA. She is a fat crack whore. She's whipping NANCY THOMPSON, who is chained to the wall. LYSIANASSA Now I have your body as mine.... and your soul to torment. Let the true rumor mongering begin. MECHADRAGON X Let her go you bitch. LYSIANASSA That offends me. I'm a whore, not a bitch. UBERKITTY You are so going down!!!! UBERKITTY charges at LYSIANASSA. Without missing a beat, LYSIANASSA lets loose a barrage of Rumor Lightning. It picks up UBERKITTY and she is thrown unceremoniously into the Rumor Pool. MECHADRAGON X Ugh, that death was fucking weak. LYSIANASSA Here, I am all powerful. Now go away. MECHADRAGON X takes out UBERKITTY's dildo and ignites the blade. The dildo-saber lives again. LYSIANASSA tries more Rumor Lightning, but it is deflected easily by MECHADRAGON X. He charges at LYSIANASSA, backing her away from NANCY THOMPSON. With the dildo-saber, he cuts the shackles of NANCY THOMPSON, freeing her. MECHADRAGON X Get the fuck out of here now. NANCY Thanks for caring, Mecha. MECHADRAGON X Uh....I don't. Just go. NANCY THOMPSON runs away. While this is going on, LYSIANASSA takes something out of her floral print mu-mu. When MECHADRAGON X turns around, she lets Donkey Balls fly. They strike MECHADRAGON X in the groin. He stumbles back, in horrible pain. MECHADRAGON X You bitch....THAT HURT! LYSIANASSA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! While LYSIANASSA is laughing, MECHADRAGON X gets one final head of steam and charges at her. He jumps in the air and re-ignites the dildo-saber. With one final strike, he beheads LYSIANASSA. He falls onto her and they both tumble into the Rumor Pool. CUT TO: NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET CHATROOM JAFFE is in there, waiting on word on what happened. >>>NANCY THOMPSON has entered the chatroom. JAFFE: Welcome NANCY THOMPSON JAFFE: Hey Nancy NANCY THOMPSON: I'm freed...thanks to Mecha. Oh and he told me to shut up. JAFFE: Mecha? NANCY THOMPSON: Yeah Mecha...mod on the board. JAFFE: I heard a rumor that there was a mod named Mecha....real asshole too. NANCY THOMPSON: Oh no, he and Kitty must have fallen in the Rumor Pool. If you go in there, you become a rumor. JAFFE: Kitty? NANCY THOMPSON: Nevermind. At least Lysianassa is gone. Lastpicked is there too. JAFFE: Lastpicked? Lysianassa? NANCY THOMPSON: Jesus christ.... END CHAT TRANSCRIPT CUT TO: LYSIANASSA's lair. It's slowly falling apart without it's leader. The Rumor Pool swirls, bright as ever. Suddenly, out of the Rumor Pool comes a clawed hand, and we hear Lastpicked begin to laugh, then gag on someone's cock. FADE TO BLACK THE END